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Thursday, February 02, 2006

No Spill Blood
I put little stock in premonitions, prophecies, or divinations. That goes for your Aunt's knee that twitches before a snowstorm and those stories about dogs magically "sensing" when their owners are about to return home. Bunk, the lot of it. If you have hard evidence to the contrary, there's a guy willing to pay you a cool million for it.

In spite of all that, I had my very own psychic event on Tuesday afternoon. That morning I'd participated in the thrice-yearly blood drive sponsored on-site by my employer. This was about the sixth time I've donated at the drive, and about the sixteenth or seventeenth in my life, without ever having a negative reaction outside of disappointment at learning that the juicebar was out of Cranapple.

Later, I was sitting in my cube when I mentioned to my neighbor that I felt a mite queasy. The queasiness progressed throughout the day until at 5:00 p.m. I ventured to the restroom, where I undertook an impromptu visual inspection of my most recent few meals. I'll spare you the details, but let's say that I was very thorough about it. So thorough, in fact, that I later repeated the inspection on I-79 and then numerous times at home before collapsing, emptied and exhausted, into something like sleep a little after midnight. A disgusting evening, I assure you.

But not nearly as disgusting for me as for those of you who sat through The State of the Union. It's clear to me now that my "gut feeling" was warning me that our esteemed Prez was about to unleash an indigestible torrent of his own.

See if I understand the gist of the transcript: gas/electric hybrids yes, human/animal hybrids no.

I'm a bit vague on hydrogen fuel technology, but I have read The Island of Doctor Moreau within the past year, so I know a little about unholy animal/human matchups (though I'm no connoisseur like Neal Horsley, of coursely of coursely).

Let's review what The Sayers of the Law have to offer on the subject of human/animal legality:
"Not to go on all-fours; that is the Law. Are we not Men? "Not to suck up Drink; that is the Law. Are we not Men? "Not to eat Fish or Flesh; that is the Law. Are we not Men? "Not to claw the Bark of Trees; that is the Law. Are we not Men? "Not to chase other Men; that is the Law. Are we not Men?"
Hmm...
1. Not to go on all-fours
2. Not to suck up Drink
3. Not to eat Fish or Flesh
4. Not to claw the Bark of Trees
5. Not to chase other Men

I'm not sure what all of this means, but I'll bet my psychic stomach that Dubya is hiding something.

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