Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The State of the Union Is Blotto
If you're planning on watching the State of the Union tonight (and I'm not--I'll be watching a basketball game, and I don't even like basketball), you might wish to make it more tolerable with the Daily Aneurysm's State of the Union Drinking Game.
Every time he says "freedom" or "liberty," take one drink. If mentioned in the same sentence, take three drinks.

When he says "the state of our union is strong," pour a second drink for your other hand.

Every time he refers to "spreading democracy," take one drink. If he says that Iraqi elections are spreading democracy, take two drinks.

When he praises Justice Alito, take one drink in honor of Harriet Miers, who was more qualified.

Every time he says "terrorist surveillance program" or "protect the American people," take one drink. If he says that his terrorist surveillance program is protecting the American people, take three drinks.

At the first mention of health savings accounts, light one cigarette and inhale deeply, but only if you already have private health insurance. Otherwise, take one drink. Of milk or soda.

Every time he mentions 9/11, take two drinks.

Every time he mentions that the administration is careful to protect Americans' civil rights, take two drinks.

When he professes to be "very concerned" about Iran's nuclear program, chug remainder of bottle and open next bottle.

If he mentions "fiscal responsibility" or says anything complimentary about the United Nations, throw empty bottle at TV.

If he says "fight them there so we don't have to fight them here" or a close approximation thereof, throw all remaining bottles at TV. Spark up joint.

Following the speech, count the number of conservatives commenting for whatever channel you're watching. Subtract the number of liberals commenting on all channels combined. Take drinks equal to the resulting number. (This can be calcuated with the sound down, which is the only way I'd do it.)
Your suggestions for other reasons to drink are welcome.

Recommended Reading:
Maybe you're thinking of ordering a Seahawks or Steelers jersey from the NFL before the Super Bowl this weekend. Remember, you can have it personalized. Most people put their names on the back. But naughty people like to put other things on their backs. The NFL knows what they are, and they won't stand for it. (Link not safe for work.)

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